MomaPapaAbuse
by acegirl195
Summary: Hey here's a request I filled on the DGM Kink Meme on LJ! Our happy-go-lucky Lavi learns not to refer to Kanda as 'Momma'


"Honey, I'm home!" the Black Order's kitchen's double doors slammed open with an ever so bright-faced Lavi at its wake.

Kanda glared from the sink area where he was cleaning up the mess of dishes both the finders and that damn beansprout piled up. Jerry and Komui had mutually decided to place Kanda on kitchen duty after he had -accidentally- thrown a hand full of soba noodle at Allen Walker, the usually unlucky teen was fortunate enough to duck though, the noodles ending up on the back hood of the finder on the bench behind him.

One toss of food led to another and soon enough the entire mess hall was literally, a mess.

It was bad enough Kanda had to work in the kitchen, it was even worse they put him on midnight shift for any exorcists who might want a midnight snack. 'Moyashi..' Kanda mentally growled with the intent to kill as Allen had already stepped in 3 times for carts of food Jerry apparently prepared for the white haired boy.

One good thing though was he was the only one working at this time. Good because the swordsman couldn't stand the constant chatter the other kitchen workers made and also good because no one would see him wearing this stupid..

"I like the frilly apron, Yuu" when had Lavi gotten so close? The red head's breath rushed over Kanda's ear and down his neck as Lavi pushed him against the counter next to the sink.

"If that sink overflows, so help you, rabbit.." Kanda growled, cold midnight eyes following Lavi's hand as it reached to turn off the lukewarm water.

"No worries, Yuu" Lavi smirked.

"What are you doing here" Kanda growled, glaring at Lavi and his appearance.. "What are you wearing?"

Lavi blinked slowly then looked down at his attire; a formal white business shirt with a loose orange tie and a pair of dark pants obviously a size too small. "Well I thought since you're working in the kitchen, I should dress the part of a loving husband and give my loving wife a -very- loving massage" the red head purred.

"Wife? Loving??" Lavi could almost feel venom stinging him with each word Kanda seethed. He wouldn't be surprised if his not-so-loving lover actually kicked him in the balls.

"C-Com'on, Yuu" "STOP CALLING ME THAT!" Lavi winced away and sweatdropped, feeling the color pale from his face.

Kanda sneered and turned his head, peering at Lavi a moment later from the corner of his eyes as the red head seemed to be thinking. With a reluctant sigh Kanda looked back. "A massage, huh?" he grumbled.

Lavi's ears perked.

"Yes my dear wife, a massage" Lavi beamed, face flattened by Kanda fist the next second. "What an abusive spouse.." Lavi mumbled and rubbed his red face.

"I'M NOT YOUR SPOUSE!! And why on earth would I be the damned woman if I was?" Kanda grabbed Lavi by the collar of his white shirt and shook him a few times, awaiting an answer.

"Ummm" calling Kanda pretty would probably get Lavi a kicked ass, complimenting his hair would earn a kick in the balls (Lavi learned that lesson already…3 times) and mentioning the fact that every time they slept together Lavi was on top… it caused a shudder to course through the red head at the thought.

"Well?" "WE SHOULDN'T FIGHT! THINK OF OUR DEAR SON ALLEN!!" Lavi cried out dramatically.

Kanda's eye twitched, the unbelief of what Lavi just said actually causing the swordsman to lose his grip on the collar of Lavi's shirt.

"S-son? Moyashi!?" Kanda growled, Lavi watching as a dark aura formed around his beloved yet abusive 'wife'.

"Oh crap.."

--

Allen blinked the next day when he walked into the mess hall for breakfast. It didn't surprise him to see Kanda there; every time he saw him in that frilly apron with his usual scowl it made Allen laugh. But when he noticed a rather beat up Lavi next to Kanda in a similar apron serving food, Allen raised a thin brow.

"Lavi?" Allen asked as he walked up to the ordering booth.

"My dear son Allen!!" Lavi leapt over the counter and right onto Allen, practically smothering the smaller exorcist in a hug. "Momma Kanda beat papa up!!" Allen looked absolutely dumbfounded, looking up at Kanda to see the swordsman trying his best to ignore the two and.. Was he blushing??

"Now, now, Lavi-chan. You have to work hard to pay off your debt for all those plates you broke with your head" Jerry coed as he dragged Lavi off Allen and back into the kitchen.

"Should I ask?" Allen looked up at Kanda in question after a few minutes of silence.

"Depends, do you want to join 'papa' in the kitchen for 'breaking plates with your head'?"


End file.
